Sunday, March 15, 2009

kewl thangs u can pretend to be when yer go out!!!!


Another weekend is here and another attempt at gettin' our party on yo! Aren't yer tired of the same old parties with the same old faces doh?

It's lyke anything yer do or say gets around more than a tofu scramble at a vegan p0tluck! lol... Well summa is almost here yo! and i know all you party monsterz wanna make this summer THE summer of love, fun, and uninhibited bonking of anything in a V Neck! However if this is gonna be da ULTIMATE summer yer gonna have to try some new trickz to keep em guessin and to keep yer fornicatin yo@! This means yer gonna have to get out of yer "safety zone" and go explore the concrete jungle that is philly willy yo!!! Fer all yer portfishingboners why don't yer take a walk on the wild side and head on down to Serf Philly yo!!!! You could go dip yer wang in the fun dip that is a UARTZ PARTY!!!! where the chances of dancin with some "art babes" in their underwear are through duh roof!!!

:::: i'm feelin bad for the two surly wolf paraders in the bg, haven't figured
out how to "let go" and "get nekkid" and drink "malt licker." :::::

If yer portfishingstonerboners are lewkin fer a new hot spot yer could always check out TATOOED MOMS where i hear, on, occasion, kewl shit lyke this
probably happenz when yer least expectin it to!!!

::: cant wait till they open up body mod grandpa's lol::::

OH YEAH DONT FORGOT ABOUT.....

::: wonder if he got "wizz" on it, lol ::::

BUT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not enough to just to visit this weird and strange places as you would say
the historically semi-accurate testicular carvings known as mt. rushmo'!

When you venture out be sure you and yer crew...

take the time and effortless effort it takes to develop fully functional party characterz!!!
Why show up as regular ol' JOE SCHMOE when you can endulge every dress up/cross dressing fantasy you've ever had and get totally boinked for it!!!!! You will be seen as a "free spirit" who does not live by "society's rulez" and is just lewkin fer a "awesome tyme." So yer boy tr@shley@!! is here to give yer some tips on what to dress up as for maximum boinkage! GL!!!!
CHARACTER A)
PRETEND YER A FAMOUS DEEJAY FROM NYC!!!!

This character is pretty rad cuz yer can pretty much wear anything yer want cuz yer duh deejay!!!!!! Don't forget 'bout duh name too! The sky is duh limit when it comes to this character, because anything yer wear or name yerself is totally cool. And when it comes to names, the more vulgar the better! Take for instance, DEEJAY EXLAX!!!!! or.... DEEJAY SMEGMA EATER!!!! those are totally rad!!!!!!!
This is the easiest character to start out witch really, cuz yer don't have to learn any cool accents or know anything about anything really. If anybody axes you about where yer live, say BROOKLYN , and if they ask you what bands yer into just be lyke, AW SOME SHIT YER PROBABLY HAVENT HEARD YO. if somebody asks you to deejay, just tell em I ONLLYDEEJAY FER DUH GREENSTUFF, and if they ask you what the green stuff is just walk away cuz they are reatarded!!! If they ask what clubs you deejay at then here is a chance to flex those improv skillz!! lyke yer deejay name, the club name is limitless in it's reatardation. CLUB TACO!!!! CLUB SALAMANDER EGGSZ!!! CLUB GOBSTOPPER!!! THE GORILLA ROOM!!! those are all rad clubs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so there ya go youngbloodz, yer first character!!!!
CHARACTER B)
THE ENGLISH BLOKER

this is another easy one yo, but just remember, DONT OVERDUE THE ACCENT BONER BREATH. yer gotta keep it chilly ya know?!!! gotta have yer shit nicely trimmed yer know, get that hunk look fer real. keep the british slang chill too, yer dont wanna run through yer entire arsenal in the first half hour when yer like AYE BUGGA I WANNA GET MEH FRENCHY ON WIT DAT SALTY DORIS to every babe dat walkz by. KEEP IT KEWL!!!!!!! if yer wanna of those adderrol junkies whose lyke NAH I NEED IT IM SIK this one's not fer you yo, but i gotcha covered pimpademic. so yeah, keep it chill, udunno, go on google image and print out some "pounds" and sheit and then lyke, yer know, rub it up with sandpaper so it lewks more real, but when it comes down to it any dorris ell be too sloshed awayz ter know yer jimmyin her, eh!!!!!
this one takes some practice but werks fer real, and duh next morning yer can switch back to yer old self and den run out duh door all quick and shit with yer shit floppin. sick!!!!!!!
CHARACTER C)
DA COWBOY

nuff said!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHARACTER DEEZNUTZ)
THE GUY WHO LOVES TO DANCE ALL THE THYME!!!!!

this one is for anybody, but i'm callin out all those tender little tulips out there to seize this one up. there's not much to it yo, just drink two hurricanes and shakes whatca gotz, get in yer underwear, steal the ipod to put on that MGMT song or the new ANIMAL COLLECTIVE or if yer really wanna get nasty M.I.A.'s PAPER PLANES will probz get yer one step closer to the boinking of a lyfetyme./ never stop dancing! EVER!!! EVA!!! as soon as yer walk in yer should be dancing at about a level 3 yer know, lyke a chill wazzup wanna dance? mode, and then slowly turn that fuckin' sucka up till yer waist deep in tang, got it?


DAZ ALL I REALLY GOT FER NOW YO! but i will adding to this collection of party characters whenva i get the chance, so stay sharp honkiez! and i'll cyaer at duh finish lyne.

5 comments:

  1. dude, yer gotsta stop readin my journal! i thought club gobstopper was my secret hangout!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. you forgot the character the club owner, you can wear v-necks, leather pants, goofy braclets and everyone in fishtown will juggle your junk like its good luck

    ReplyDelete
  3. I want a guide to being philly cool by AZ.

    Step one Ponytail.

    ReplyDelete
  4. my senior thesis is now called "tender little tulips"

    ReplyDelete